Life Is About Making Choices

Life Is About Learning to Dance in the Rain © by FindYourSearch

It is easy to make a choice. What stops people from making a choice, is that they are afraid of the outcome of that specific choice. It is the fear of uncertainty that stops people from making a choice. But you cannot escape the fact that you have to make choices to live your life; if you avoid making decisions your life will become very difficult.

If you are unhappy, then choose to be happy; if you want to be rich, then choose to be rich; if you want a partner, then choose to get one; if you want to loose weight then, choose to loose weight. It sounds so easy to do, does it not? Let me reveal a secret for you that have been kept secret for you until today: It is that easy! Once you realise how easy it is you will wonder why you have not done this before.

If you want something to happen in your life then you have to do something to make it happen. Action involves decisions; you need to decide what to do to take action and make things happen. Your future depends on the choices you make and if you do not make any choices then you do not have a future.

You get exactly what you ask for; and if all you ask for is fear of choosing then all you will get is stagnation and fear. But I have I solution to your problem of fear: – choose not to be afraid. Choose to trust that your choice is a good one. The choices you make are based on what you feel is good for you and what you want in the future. If you let anyone else decide what is good for you, then you will never get what you want from life. Then you would be living someone else’s life and not your own life.

When you have made a choice making something happen you will know deep down inside yourself that you will succeed. When you have made a specific choice you will be focused and you will do what it takes to carry out that decision. When you have done it you will feel a rush because you have overcome fear and you experienced the intoxicating feeling doing it.

Now go face your fears and make those choices to create your future!

How to Be Nice to People: Give Compliments

smile! © by seanbjack

– Hi, you look good today! It is hard to feel offended by such a compliment. You would feel flattered, smile and say thank you. If you find something positive to say to people that makes them feel good then you have made the day a better day for both of you.

There are different kinds of compliments and the above is a superficial compliment that works acknowledging. It will make the receiver feel good at the moment and it will make the receiver feel accepted. It is the kind of compliment that goes a bit further than saying hi and the receiver will see you as a nice person.

If you want to take compliments to the next level you need to give meaningful compliments that make a lasting impression. You do that by giving a specific compliment that shows that you paid attention to what the person did.

Furthermore, the compliments have to be sincere. If you do not mean what you are about to say, then do not say it. People will immediately notice if you give false compliments; and they will perceive you as false and untrustworthy. If you want to make a good impression then only give compliments that you mean.

Like anything else you give to other people: Give without expectations! Do not expect anything in return. Trust that anything you give will come back eventually in some form and that also goes for compliments.

Use compliments when giving critique

At sergeant school I learned to always give a compliment before critique and then end the critique with another compliment. Critique can be very hard to take because it tends to have a negative influence on the receiver; but giving compliments before and after the critique will make the receiver remember the good things he did. The easiest parts to remember from a conversation are the first and last things being said.

How to Be Nice to People: Show Interest

cross arm © by JASON ANFINSEN

Some of the nicest people I know show genuine interest in how I am doing. They do not solve my problems but the do listen to me because they are interested and want good things to happen to me. They give the most valuable thing that anyone can give; they give themselves.

They give themselves by listening to you; they listen and understand and they make you realise what to do about the problem that is nagging you. Thus, if you want to be nice to people then start a conversation by asking how they are doing and then listen! Do not start talking about yourself, just listen and keep asking. At some point people will feel comfortable and start asking you.

I have listed a few things of what you can do to become better at listening and showing interest.

Eye contact: Look into the eyes of the person you listen to. If you let yourself distract and look elsewhere it will look like you do not care and that you have no interest in what is being told. By keeping eye contact you demonstrate that nothing is more important at that moment and that you are present and ready to listen and understand; that is genuine interest.

Communicate understanding: Show that you are listening by nodding and using confirming sounds and words. By doing this the person will become more open and talk more because you are showing interest.

Body language: Show your hands; and by that I mean you should keep you hands visible because if you cross you arms or stick your hands in you pockets then you will communicate mistrust and lack of interest. One of the best ways to gain the speakers trust is by copying the speaker’s body language. Unconsciously people copy each other’s body language when they feel comfortable together and you can use that knowledge to show interest.

Respond to what is being said. If the speaker tells you something shocking then look shocked and if the speaker gives good news then look happy and smile.

How to Improve Self-Confidence: Keep Cool

Black bear © by alh1

I am cool! I can say that for sure and so should you. I was not able to say so 15 years ago but today I can. I have had experiences where I needed to keep cool.

A couple of years ago I was tour counsellor at a summer camp in Pennsylvania. At a night watch I encountered a black bear. I did not panic; actually I had a bizarre reaction come to think about it. I just stood in front of it thinking what I was supposed to do in such a situation. I rationalised and came to the conclusion that running was not an option and recalled seeing in television that the best you can do is to appear superior, so I decided to roar the best I could. It did not seem to impress the bear though; it merely returned its attention to something on the ground. The bear did not seem hungry or threatened, so I decided to just walk away.

That same year I took a group to a field trip although bad weather was coming up. We ended up in a terrible thunderstorm. I instructed the kids to stay out of open places and not to seek cover under the tallest trees. When we came home we heard in the news that 6 kids were struck by lightening just a few kilometres away when seeking cover from the storm.

In such situations you learn something about yourself and your reactions. Do you panic or do you keep cool? These situations are extremes but not rare; you should not look for these kind of situations but you need to practice how to keep cool to get through situations where you do not know the outcome. Trust that you can and will do the right thing.

If you are scared of doing things it is often because you do not know the outcome. There are too many uncertainties and you decide to stay home in a safe environment. As a result you will miss out on all the fun and you will loose confidence in yourself.

Life is unpredictable and you cannot protect yourself from every possible danger in the world. You have to keep cool and rely on your instincts and your abilities to face new and unknown situations. Use your common sense and appreciate fear as your friend because that will protect you when you encounter danger.

How to Improve Self-Confidence: Confront Your Fears

Dangerous Risk Adrenaline Suicide by Fear of Falling © by

Nothing is more stimulating for your self-confidence than accomplishing something you dread. E.g. go parachuting; confronting a tiger; getting stuck in quicksand or jumping a cleft. Well, actually it does not have to be that extreme, but the feeling of accomplishing something really dreadful is unbelievable and you will feel invincible.

The feeling can be intoxicating and you want more. Fear is a fantastic feeling and it is an important part of our natural defence. Fear releases adrenaline and activates your fight-or-flight response. Adrenaline creates instant action and motion; thus, fear is energy; fear is motivation to action. Enjoy it, because the feeling of overcoming fear is fantastic.

Some people seem to go fearless through life getting all what they want. But know that every day of their life they face fears! The difference is that they have found a way to deal with fear. The problem is not fear itself, the problem is that you doubt whether you will win the fight. Instead you choose flight and that choice will only increase your doubt and the fear becomes worse; you will end up in constant fear and anxiety.

You need to trust yourself and your abilities to fight whatever you have to confront. Trust that you can escape the tiger; trust that the parachute will bring you safe to the ground; trust that you can do whatever it takes to take action and move on in life. If you always choose to flee then you will never get what you want. Life is difficult for all of us, but you need to face it or it will become even more difficult.

Start confronting fears; do not listen to doubt; bite your teeth and leap into fight. Maybe you get a few scratches in the fight but you will win if you believe in yourself and trust that you can do it.

Fighting fear is never fun while fighting; the feeling of invincibility comes after the fight. That is the feeling that will prepare you for the next fight. If you have some fights waiting that seem overwhelming then take some other fights and accumulate strength for the really big fight. None of your fears are impossible to overcome, you just have to believe and find the strength to leap into the fight instead of flight.