6 Ways to Stop Being Over Sensitive

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over sensitive

Rome visit, June 2008 – 57 © by Ed Yourdon

I admit it. I am highly sensitive! I know I am highly sensitive and I accept that fact; now my challenge is to learn how to deal with it and I will share what I have learned. (also read: How to Stop Being Frustrated)
Over sensitivity is said to come from a negative thinking pattern, but that way of thinking, is there for a reason and that is the first thing you need to learn. You have to understand what is going on inside your brain!

  1. Understand. According to research about 20 % of all people are highly sensitive. Carl Jung called it innate sensitiveness. Thus, you and I have a more detailed nervous system than normal and this makes us over analyse. Some people get introverted, some are shy and some get a social phobia. I get irritated and angry with people who affect me negatively. How do you react? If you know how you react then you can do something about it.
  2. Build self-esteem. Often sensitive people have problems with self-esteem because they over analyse everything and they tend to turn negative conclusions inwards and blame themselves. Read my series about building self-esteem.
  3. Focus. When you feel highly sensitive it is often because you have had a negative experience that awakes memories of experiences from the past. You will start comparing, analysing and jump to negative conclusions. What you have to practise is to move focus to something positive. It can be difficult to change focus but you have to be persistent and if you have to then fake it till you make it!
  4. Put sensitiveness to good use. I have chosen a life path that fit my personality. It is difficult for me to have someone telling me what to do all the time. It makes me over analyse the situation and I end up arguing with my boss. That is why I run my own business as a writer and therapist. I try to be true to myself and put my sensitivity to good use and to the benefit of others. What can you do?
  5. Lighten up. Do not take critics too serious and try not to analyse. Use meditation, do sports, have a massage or a nice cup of tea. Do anything you can to loosen up and be less serious. Use humour and self-irony.
  6. Listen. Instead of analysing then repeat the sentence that made you feel hurt and listen to the person who delivered the message. Try to understand what was actually said and see the world from this person’s point of view.

If you really want to make a personal change and stop being over sensitive, then read my ebook that discovers the six mechanisms behind personal change. The six mechanisms are: Attitude, worldview, language, sensemaking, action learning and faith.

I Wish I Were a Bastard!

© by Toms Bauģis

Self-esteem is a strange and difficult concept, especially if you do not have it. It is developed early in life in the age of 3-6 years old. My self-esteem was severely hurt when I was about 3 years old because of a very difficult period in my parents’ life. They do not have any education and jobs were difficult to get. They were poor and tried to provide for our family as best as they could.

Life got better though and as a result my sister and I had excellent conditions. This means that my self-confidence never suffered any damage. Today I have a strange combination of low self-esteem and a very high self-confidence. I have never in my life had any doubt that I could do anything I set my mind to; I have always been convinced that I could do everything better than everyone else.

Extremely arrogant

Well, it is obvious that my attitude made me an odd and extremely arrogant character. I realised this and I started accepting that there are other realities than mine and other people have solutions that are better than mine. I stopped being arrogant and that helped me to get friends, girlfriend and a very large social and professional network.

In the mist of my nagging poor self-esteem I often wish that I were a genuine bastard that did not give a rats arse about other people! The worse thing is that I feel bad about thinking like that and why is that? It is because my mind seeks balance; the body will always try to find balance both physically and mentally.

I am over-concerned about what other people think and feel and in particular what they think about me. I cannot help it except accepting and trying to develop and balance my mind. You have probably experienced something similar and the reason we have this urge to be inconsiderate bastards are that one of the traits we experience from these people is an extreme self-esteem.

In the perspective of people with very low self-esteem these inconsiderate bastards seem to be very successful. They do not get hurt when people reject them, they do not care if people like them or not, they seem to have a lot of friends and a good job. Why is it that such bad character seems to carry success? Well, it is an open question that you can puzzle over.

Be less sensitive

We need to understand that we cannot please everybody; all people cannot love us; sometimes we hurt other people and sometimes we disagree; but that does not mean that we are bad people; it merely underlines the fact that we are human and that we are unique individuals. We should praise that people are different; if all people liked everybody and everything then nobody would ever do anything for development and progression. Life would be incredible boring!

What we have to do is learn how to deal with our self-esteem and find balance. When it comes down to it then I really do not want to be an inconsiderate bastard but I do want to be less sensitive to what other people think; and that is my focus in my next articles.


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