How to Be Nice to People: Be Around Nice People

Nice people (Sara) © by Luca Violetto

The atmosphere in a room is contagious. Have you ever had the experience of walking into a room where something terrible just took place? Even if people try to hide it you can feel the negative vibrations in the air. The negative mood immediately catches on and you will start feeling bad.

You cannot help being influenced by the people you have around you. If they are very negative people you will become negative; if they are bad people you will become bad; if they are happy you will become happy. If you are around people that are generally not nice people you will become like them.

We tend to adapt the behaviour of the people we are around, and that is exactly why it is important for you to be around nice people. If you want to be a nice person you should socialize with nice people.

Simplify your life by discarding toxic people. Toxic people are the kind of people that are always negative; they seem to be able to complain about everything and sometimes it seems like their only mission in life is to find something to grumble and whine about. Do not spend time with these people; they will not contribute with anything positive to your life. They will drag you down until you become like them.

Today was a fantastic day for me until I went to work on my part time job. When I arrived the atmosphere was very bad and I found out that seven people had been dismissed and others had lost their positions and transferred to lower jobs. I could not help being influenced by this atmosphere and my fantastic day suddenly felt bad; I felt discouraged.

Thus, to be nice you should be around nice people.

How to Be Nice to People: Give Compliments

smile! © by seanbjack

– Hi, you look good today! It is hard to feel offended by such a compliment. You would feel flattered, smile and say thank you. If you find something positive to say to people that makes them feel good then you have made the day a better day for both of you.

There are different kinds of compliments and the above is a superficial compliment that works acknowledging. It will make the receiver feel good at the moment and it will make the receiver feel accepted. It is the kind of compliment that goes a bit further than saying hi and the receiver will see you as a nice person.

If you want to take compliments to the next level you need to give meaningful compliments that make a lasting impression. You do that by giving a specific compliment that shows that you paid attention to what the person did.

Furthermore, the compliments have to be sincere. If you do not mean what you are about to say, then do not say it. People will immediately notice if you give false compliments; and they will perceive you as false and untrustworthy. If you want to make a good impression then only give compliments that you mean.

Like anything else you give to other people: Give without expectations! Do not expect anything in return. Trust that anything you give will come back eventually in some form and that also goes for compliments.

Use compliments when giving critique

At sergeant school I learned to always give a compliment before critique and then end the critique with another compliment. Critique can be very hard to take because it tends to have a negative influence on the receiver; but giving compliments before and after the critique will make the receiver remember the good things he did. The easiest parts to remember from a conversation are the first and last things being said.

I Was Hurt! – Who Cares?

Erik Fool's hat

Fool? - I don't think so! @ Erik Back 2011

Today I felt hurt; first I got annoyed then angry; but after a bit of moping I turned my feelings into something positive. This post is a follow up story to my article “6 Ways to Stop Being Over Sensitive”.

Who cares if I was hurt by a stupid comment on my blog today? No one! (Well, except my mother.) It does not help complaining about other people’s wrong doings; you have to take responsibility for the situation and turn it into something good. That is what I did.

Today some guy posted a comment saying: – Learn how to spell fool! I thought to myself that this comment tells more about the commenter than about me. I decided to investigate the accusation of me being a fool: I have a master of science in economics; I have studied philosophy and culture in five different languages at the university; my post in question has been read by more than 15.000 visitors an more than 100 visitors have shared and liked it. My conclusion was that I am not a fool.

Then I examined my spelling; well, I must admit that I am not perfect in writing, but I think I do pretty well considering Danish is my native language. I sometimes mix up different languages because apart from Danish and English I also speak Spanish, German and Russian. Thus, I do not have to feel bad about my spelling. But I like learning something new and I want to become better at expressing myself. I found that I had used a word that does not look good: “Learnings”. It is grammatically incorrect and a bad habit invented in the world of marketing and business. Furthermore I discovered that I had left out a word!

Thanks to the commenter my post is now better than before; I learned something new about “learnings”; and I got an idea for my next series of posts on this blog: How to Be Nice to People.

You have to remember that cannot expect everybody to like you; there will always be someone who disagrees with you and negative people will always exist. You just have to choose to put focus on the positive and forget about the people who do not contribute in a positive way. You have the potential to do good things, so keep doing what you want to do and never give up because of negative comments.

6 Ways to Stop Being Over Sensitive

Follow my More Energy Project in 180 days
over sensitive

Rome visit, June 2008 – 57 © by Ed Yourdon

I admit it. I am highly sensitive! I know I am highly sensitive and I accept that fact; now my challenge is to learn how to deal with it and I will share what I have learned. (also read: How to Stop Being Frustrated)
Over sensitivity is said to come from a negative thinking pattern, but that way of thinking, is there for a reason and that is the first thing you need to learn. You have to understand what is going on inside your brain!

  1. Understand. According to research about 20 % of all people are highly sensitive. Carl Jung called it innate sensitiveness. Thus, you and I have a more detailed nervous system than normal and this makes us over analyse. Some people get introverted, some are shy and some get a social phobia. I get irritated and angry with people who affect me negatively. How do you react? If you know how you react then you can do something about it.
  2. Build self-esteem. Often sensitive people have problems with self-esteem because they over analyse everything and they tend to turn negative conclusions inwards and blame themselves. Read my series about building self-esteem.
  3. Focus. When you feel highly sensitive it is often because you have had a negative experience that awakes memories of experiences from the past. You will start comparing, analysing and jump to negative conclusions. What you have to practise is to move focus to something positive. It can be difficult to change focus but you have to be persistent and if you have to then fake it till you make it!
  4. Put sensitiveness to good use. I have chosen a life path that fit my personality. It is difficult for me to have someone telling me what to do all the time. It makes me over analyse the situation and I end up arguing with my boss. That is why I run my own business as a writer and therapist. I try to be true to myself and put my sensitivity to good use and to the benefit of others. What can you do?
  5. Lighten up. Do not take critics too serious and try not to analyse. Use meditation, do sports, have a massage or a nice cup of tea. Do anything you can to loosen up and be less serious. Use humour and self-irony.
  6. Listen. Instead of analysing then repeat the sentence that made you feel hurt and listen to the person who delivered the message. Try to understand what was actually said and see the world from this person’s point of view.

If you really want to make a personal change and stop being over sensitive, then read my ebook that discovers the six mechanisms behind personal change. The six mechanisms are: Attitude, worldview, language, sensemaking, action learning and faith.

How to Improve Self-Confidence: Positive Language

Yellowed pages from a dictionary © by Horia Varlan

I do not want to screw up! I hope it is not going to rain today. Why do I always stand in the slow line? I do not want cold coffee today etc. I know I have said it many times and I will continue repeating because it is very important: You need to have a positive focus; you have to focus on what you want, not what you do not want; you have to focus on what can do, not on what you cannot do.

I want …

I can …

You can get a positive focus by using your language. E.g. start all sentences with a positive word like: I want, I can or start with adjectives like: Great, fantastic, nice, cool, lovely etc. Example: Great cup of coffee you made today; fantastic job I did on the computer. If you are about to say something negative like – f… it is going to rain today! Then rephrase and say – I want to see the sun today!

In the negative case you would focus on every minute it rains but in the positive case you would focus on the sunny periods of the day. That will make you more happy and energetic.

Use the language

We use the language to construct the reality we live in. Niels Bohr said that we will always have a need to describe our findings and we can only do that within the limitations of our language. He also said that the truth depends on the eyes that see. Thus, you have the opportunity to choose your reality and present it with you language. You have to communicate your confidence and success in language and action.

Now, use your language to cause action; use it to make life go in the direction you want it to go; use it to strengthen your self-confidence and to make people acknowledge your actions and your success. Fantasy outshines reality and that is why you should take the opportunity to communicate your reality about yourself before other people make up another reality.

Let me give you an example: If you say to people that you are very bad at playing cards then how do you think the chances are that anyone will invite you to play? If you say that you love playing cards and that you would like to get better at it, then people are more likely to invite you.