How To Build Your Self-Esteem: Stop Comparing

You are a unique person; there is no one else in the universe that can be you better than you are. You are the only one who knows how to be you. You are an expert in the field of being you and there is no way anyone can do it better than you can!

Why would you want to be like someone else? That ‘someone else’ is also the best at being that specific ‘someone else’. You will never in a lifetime get close at being that person – and why would you? You have been blessed with something unique and priceless: Your own life!

You have your own life and only you know how to master that life. Whatever you do, you do it in a way that only you can do; that is called personality and your personality defines you. If you did not do things the way you do, then you would not be you.

You have to stop comparing yourself to other people and start focusing on yourself. When you compare yourself to other people and feel inferior then you create low self-esteem. Imagine if you were the only one in the world – then there was no one that was better than you at anything. If you ran 100 meters you would possess the world record. If you spoke ten words of Spanish you would be the best at it. You would be the best driver; the best journalist; the best cook; the best – at everything possible!

If you were alone in the world you would choose your own path and set your own standards and you would not care about other people. In a way you are alone in the world; in your world. Every person has his own worldview. My world does not look like yours and your world does not look like mine. How I excel in my world is not relevant to you. What is relevant to you is how you get from a to b on your life path in your world.

Task no. 10: Next time you feel inferior then find out what it is you really want and ask yourself what you can do to get it and put it on your mental map.

How To Build Your Self-Esteem: Set Goals

What are your goals? This is a very difficult question for most people, but it is important to set both long-term goals and short-term goal. You need goals in life to be able to choose a good path in life.

E.g. you put on your shoes and walk out the door. What do you usually do in this situation? Do you walk around randomly until you bump into something of interest or do you have some place to go? Most of us walk out the door with a purpose. Maybe we are going shopping or to visit a friend. We have a specific goal and that makes it easier for us to decide how to get there.

You need to set goals for your life to choose a good life path. Having a goal makes it possible for you to set subsidiary goals. Every day you need to have something to do, something that makes sense, something that gives life meaning. Every evening before going to sleep you should think about next day’s goal. That gives you a reason to get out of bed in the morning and take action.

When you set goals then make them realistic goals and be prepared that sometimes life goes in a different direction and you will have to change your goals. When you set goals and reach them you will prove to yourself that you are capable of achieving something and that will strengthen your self-esteem. Keep breaking your goal into small achievable targets until you have a to-do list that you can put into action.

Task no. 5: Consider following questions: What does your life look like when you turn 75 years? What does you life look like in ten years from now? What does it look like three years from now? Next month? Next week? What is your goal for tomorrow?

Who Are You?

Do you know who you are? If you do not know who you are, how can you expect others to know? It is extremely important that you know yourself to get on a good path in life. You are the only one you can be certain that will be there for your entire life. You cannot escape yourself and if you do not fulfil your needs and get to know yourself, then you will end up unhappy and lonely. Not even you will listen to you and how sad is that?

If you go to a shop that says: “This is a shop that sells stuff”, would your first thought be to go and buy that thing you had been looking for? – No of course not! But let us say that you are a very curious person and decide go in. The door at the entrance binds and you push hard to make it budge. You manage to make an opening just big enough to squeeze yourself into the shop. You see a lot of undefined stuff blocking the doorway and you decide to climb over it to get into the shop.

Inside the shop you look around. There are know signs to inform what kind of stuff they sell and ‘they’ are not to see anywhere. The shop seems deserted and undefined. It does not communicate any value to you, unless caving is your favourite pastime. Eventually the undefined stuff that is clogging up the shop will bore you and you will leave. The shop does not present any value to you and it does not seem to want anything from you.

The shop can only exist if an exchange of value takes place. The same goes for you! Put yourself instead of the shop. Are you like this shop? Do people leave without exchanging value? If you want people to visit your shop and stay for a cup of coffee, then you have to do something to tell people what you offer. When people notice what you have to offer then they will come and give whatever they have to give in return.

You have to go and explore every aspect of yourself and communicate all your discoveries to the world and people will join you and make your life the best thing that ever happened. There are 7 billion people in the world and I can assure you that some of them are bound to notice you and they will certainly like what you have to offer.

Exploring takes time; you have all life; now go explore yourself!

How To Use Personality Tests

Taking the personality test... © by ninasaurusrex

There are many types of tests available to help you discover yourself. Some of the tests are well documented and widely used by companies all over the world, other tests are homemade just to entertain you while surfing the net or reading a magazine. I believe that any test can serve you if you use it right.

A few years ago I was working at an athletic organisation and one morning I came to work and saw one of my colleagues read a newspaper. I noticed that the newspaper was a paper of poor quality with a lot of gossip and I could not help comment this. I knew that my colleague was smart and I did not understand why he would read this paper. I learned a very important lesson that day when he replied: “Rumours do not come from nothing!”

I learned that even though the quality was poor the paper had something to offer if I understand how to read it. The same goes for tests: You can always use the result for something if you use it right. If you take a test in a random magazine then do not expect that it will reveal the truth about you. It will merely point you in some direction that you can use as a hint. If other tests show some similar results then it probably reflects some truth about you.

E.g. if you take ten magazine tests that all say that you are introvert then there is something to it, after all. The important thing is that the result of whatever test you make will give you some understanding of whom you are.

Personality tests like “Jung Typology Test” is based on Carl Jung’s research in astrology. But even though few people would use astrology when hiring staff they will use the Jung Typology Test because it will help to understand what type of person you are.

How To Optimise Actions

In my previous post I elaborated mapping from the MAKS model. We learned how to draw a map of a problem that will help to action. The second item on the MAKS model is more than taking action; it is a small cycle that repeats a couple of times and it consists of:

  1. Action
  2. Observe
  3. Adjust

If we stick to a cycle of mapping and action we will end up doing the same thing over and over again. The cycle turns into a habit and over time conditions will change and we continue our habit. But if the conditions change then the habit will not serve our purpose and it will end up obstructing development. To prevent this I suggest that we observe what we do and evaluate the outcome.

E.g. if I write an application for something and it is rejected, then I will not get closer to success by writing another one. I have to observe and evaluate the process and see if there is anything I can do better to optimise my application.

If we observe something we can change then we can optimise our actions by adjusting the path we chose, and then try again. Maybe we get success or maybe we fail again. If we cannot see anything we can do better, then it is time to take the next step in the MAKS model – knowledge.

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