Kafka’s universe is starting to make more sense but the chaos is still there. Weekend is over and a new week has started with responsibilities that force me into some of my stabilising routines and habits. I was up at 5.30 today – although I usually aim at 6.28. But sometimes I have a client early in the morning.
I sat in quietude and let my mind wander – that is a good habit and a good start on the day.
The chaos inside me does not invite to carry out my habits because chaos is the opposite of habits. Habits are the routines that you repeat again and again to maintain inner peace. Chaos is not a routine and chaos does not stabilise; chaos is an inner earthquake that turns your brain upside down and confuses your brain cells to believe that they all need exercise at the same time.
My appeal for calm is useless; the only thing I can do is wait for my mind to calm down by itself. Sometimes the mind needs chaos because from chaos something new always develops. In times of change it is important to go with that change or you risk getting stuck in the past and your good habits will turn into bad habits. Thus, chaos is good although it doesn’t always feel good.
My brain cells all had their own seat and like in the cinema all the seats are numbered, but now someone has switched all the seats and it feels like my brain cells know what seat they are looking for but just can’t seem to find it. My head is dominated by confusion, but not by panic.
In situations like this you have to hold on to some of your habits to keep your foundation from falling apart. Some of it is crumbling but not all of it. Find the stable parts of your foundation and start building a new one as soon as your mind and brain cells starts to regroup and find order.
I use people in my network to support my foundation; people that already have a solid foundation that can hold my crumbling foundation are ready to help out. You should never be afraid to reach out for help when you need it. People around you also have a need to help you. Reaching out for help is a good habit.