Rome visit, June 2008 – 57 © by Ed Yourdon
I admit it. I am highly sensitive! I know I am highly sensitive and I accept that fact; now my challenge is to learn how to deal with it and I will share what I have learned. (also read: How to Stop Being Frustrated)
Over sensitivity is said to come from a negative thinking pattern, but that way of thinking, is there for a reason and that is the first thing you need to learn. You have to understand what is going on inside your brain!
- Understand. According to research about 20 % of all people are highly sensitive. Carl Jung called it innate sensitiveness. Thus, you and I have a more detailed nervous system than normal and this makes us over analyse. Some people get introverted, some are shy and some get a social phobia. I get irritated and angry with people who affect me negatively. How do you react? If you know how you react then you can do something about it.
- Build self-esteem. Often sensitive people have problems with self-esteem because they over analyse everything and they tend to turn negative conclusions inwards and blame themselves. Read my series about building self-esteem.
- Focus. When you feel highly sensitive it is often because you have had a negative experience that awakes memories of experiences from the past. You will start comparing, analysing and jump to negative conclusions. What you have to practise is to move focus to something positive. It can be difficult to change focus but you have to be persistent and if you have to then fake it till you make it!
- Put sensitiveness to good use. I have chosen a life path that fit my personality. It is difficult for me to have someone telling me what to do all the time. It makes me over analyse the situation and I end up arguing with my boss. That is why I run my own business as a writer and therapist. I try to be true to myself and put my sensitivity to good use and to the benefit of others. What can you do?
- Lighten up. Do not take critics too serious and try not to analyse. Use meditation, do sports, have a massage or a nice cup of tea. Do anything you can to loosen up and be less serious. Use humour and self-irony.
- Listen. Instead of analysing then repeat the sentence that made you feel hurt and listen to the person who delivered the message. Try to understand what was actually said and see the world from this person’s point of view.
If you really want to make a personal change and stop being over sensitive, then read my ebook that discovers the six mechanisms behind personal change. The six mechanisms are: Attitude, worldview, language, sensemaking, action learning and faith.
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All easier said than done. And it would take a conscious effort in the moment to do all of this, but emotions would more likely overcome rational thought.
It is easy to say once you have understood what has to be said. It took me years to realise these things and it will take a lot of work to do these things because self improvement takes time.
Here is a different perspective. You cannot be over sensitive! Sensitive is to sense what is going on around you so if it isn’t there, you can’t sense it. We should strive to be as sensitive as we can possibly be.
The problem arises when we “interpret” what we sense incorrectly. We can draw the wrong conclusions or motivations from the actions of people even though we accurately sense some message.
This interpretation may yield new solutions. I am a big fan of humility. Don’t assume you know what someone is thinking. Ask them. then you can tell them they are wrong.
Thank you for your comment Paul. Good point!