I Wish I Were a Bastard!

© by Toms Bauģis

Self-esteem is a strange and difficult concept, especially if you do not have it. It is developed early in life in the age of 3-6 years old. My self-esteem was severely hurt when I was about 3 years old because of a very difficult period in my parents’ life. They do not have any education and jobs were difficult to get. They were poor and tried to provide for our family as best as they could.

Life got better though and as a result my sister and I had excellent conditions. This means that my self-confidence never suffered any damage. Today I have a strange combination of low self-esteem and a very high self-confidence. I have never in my life had any doubt that I could do anything I set my mind to; I have always been convinced that I could do everything better than everyone else.

Extremely arrogant

Well, it is obvious that my attitude made me an odd and extremely arrogant character. I realised this and I started accepting that there are other realities than mine and other people have solutions that are better than mine. I stopped being arrogant and that helped me to get friends, girlfriend and a very large social and professional network.

In the mist of my nagging poor self-esteem I often wish that I were a genuine bastard that did not give a rats arse about other people! The worse thing is that I feel bad about thinking like that and why is that? It is because my mind seeks balance; the body will always try to find balance both physically and mentally.

I am over-concerned about what other people think and feel and in particular what they think about me. I cannot help it except accepting and trying to develop and balance my mind. You have probably experienced something similar and the reason we have this urge to be inconsiderate bastards are that one of the traits we experience from these people is an extreme self-esteem.

In the perspective of people with very low self-esteem these inconsiderate bastards seem to be very successful. They do not get hurt when people reject them, they do not care if people like them or not, they seem to have a lot of friends and a good job. Why is it that such bad character seems to carry success? Well, it is an open question that you can puzzle over.

Be less sensitive

We need to understand that we cannot please everybody; all people cannot love us; sometimes we hurt other people and sometimes we disagree; but that does not mean that we are bad people; it merely underlines the fact that we are human and that we are unique individuals. We should praise that people are different; if all people liked everybody and everything then nobody would ever do anything for development and progression. Life would be incredible boring!

What we have to do is learn how to deal with our self-esteem and find balance. When it comes down to it then I really do not want to be an inconsiderate bastard but I do want to be less sensitive to what other people think; and that is my focus in my next articles.

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