How to Improve Self-Confidence: You Get What You Ask For

Be specific about what you want © Erik Back 2011

Have you noticed what happens when you walk into a shop? A sales assistant will greet you and ask if you need help finding what you need. If a sales assistant does not approach you, you will seek one yourself. When you get the attention of a sales assistant you will ask: “Do you have that green thing I have been looking for?” The sales assistant confirms and goes to fetch the green thing you have been looking for. You are very excited and pay on the spot.

This is a simple case, but imagine what would have happened if you were not specific about the colour? Would you get a blue one or a red one? If you ended up buying a red one then you would be unhappy because you really wanted at green one, but you did not ask for it! The secret about how shops work is to ask for something and a sales assistant will provide it for you.

Life is the same; if you are unhappy about your life because you never seem to get what you what, then it is because you forgot to ask for it. So, ask for what you want; be specific and express yourself in positive terms. First of all you have to make clear to yourself what your needs are and what you really want to achieve in life. Because if you do not know then who does?

Next step is to use positive terms and trust that you will get what you ask for. Mind that when an opportunity presents itself it may not look like you expected it to look. If you have a negative focus you risk getting what you do not want. E.g. if bad drivers in the traffic annoy me, and I keep complaining about it, then all I will meet in traffic is bad drivers. Why? Because that is where my focus is and I miss to see the opportunities I get to avoid bad drivers, like driving another route, leaving home 15 minutes earlier etc.

Another example: Your family asks you what you wish for Christmas and you say that you would like a book. You point out that you do not want anything by author XX and especially not by YY because he is really bad. At Christmas you get a book by author XX or no book at all. Why? Because it is difficult for your family to remember if you liked this author or not and since they do not have other specifics to choose from you get something you do not want.

You have to be very specific about what you want and you have to communicate that in you speech, body language and attitude.

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