Frustration © Erik Back 2012
Well, actually you don’t stop being frustrated, because the frustrations are part of life and you need them to get success. I have done a bit of research in the concept of frustration and that made me understand the essence and how to deal with frustration. I will attempt to explain what I believe frustration is and how you can get in control of your frustrations.
Understand frustration
Get in control of your frustrations
Learn to deal with your frustrations
Turn frustration into positive growth
While researching and writing a working paper I saw an important connection to some of my early work on this blog. I saw how I can manage my frustrations by working on my habits and basic needs.
Frustration is good
First of all I want to make clear that frustration is a good thing. We need frustrations to grow. We don’t develop if we don’t have frustrations. But for some people, myself included, frustrations are more frequent and they tend to do more harm than good. Sometimes I overreact dramatise.
It can be awfully distressing for people around me when I let my frustrations get out of control. The reason that my frustrations seem to do more harm than good is that I don’t know how to deal with them.
The feeling of frustration comes from not being able to satisfy a need or desire.
Seven common emotions that give frustration
- Boredom (the need for mental stimulation)
- Anger (a feeling that something is unjust)
- Fear (you feel threatend by something)
- Sadness (you are not happy with the way things are)
- Loneliness (the need to be with others)
- Stress (you need some time to relax)
- Feelings of inadequacy (you don’t feel confident in your abilities)
Hierarchy of Habits © Erik Back 2011
Out of these seven emotions I have identified three that I know I handle the wrong way: stress, anger and fear. While thinking about this and asking myself what to do about it, I came to think about a model I made on this blog. I called it the hierarchy of habits.
It is based on Maslows hierarchy of needs. If I plot in the emotions and needs that are connected to frustration I get this:
Boredom has to do with the need for self-actualisation.
Feelings of inadequacy have to do with the need for esteem.
Sadness and loneliness have to do with the need for love and belonging.
Anger, stress and fear have to do with the need for safety.
The purpose of the hierarchy of habits is to show what is important to build a good foundation for your life. You have to get balance in your physiological needs before you can start building your safety needs etc. If you don’t have at stable foundation, you will face problems like frustration at other levels. To stop being frustrated you need to work on your basic needs.
To deal with anger I first have to fulfill my physiological needs. Get enough sleep, exercise, eat healthy food and cleanse my body. Then I can start working on my needs for safety at home, at work, balance my economy and order.
For a few weeks I have been working on sleep and exercise; and I can already feel a change in my frustrations.
